It was in June 2002 that I played my first round of golf, thanks to the lady I was dating at the time. After I become quite passionate about the sport, we played almost every weekend, weather permitting.

Anita, a retired school teacher who worked part-time for a textbook company, traveled a lot during the school year. Missing golf during the cold winters in Philadelphia, I started joining her on trips to warmer destinations with good golf courses.

Several of these trips took us to Mesa, Arizona. I enjoyed golfing there and decided that Mesa would be my ideal retirement spot; I envisioned spending my days on the golf course, dining out and dancing on Friday nights, and grilling on Sundays. When Anita's son chose to relocate his family to Arizona, it solidified our plans to move there as well.

Bill bought a lot in Fountain Hills and, as a construction engineer, opted to build a custom home. We favored Mesa, though, for its charming and welcoming downtown, its proximity to Old Town Scottsdale, the Phoenix airport, and the more affordable housing compared to other upscale communities.

With housing prices rising quickly in Arizona, Anita and I took a golf trip to Arizona, during which we also searched for a house. We discovered a lovely home at Red Mountain Ranch Country Club in the northeast part of Mesa. It featured three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a pleasant backyard with a swimming pool. The house was situated in a gated section of Red Mountain Ranch, a golf community boasting a challenging Pete Dye golf course.

On May 5, 2025, we purchased the house. For convenience, Anita made the down payment while I agreed to cover all expenses until I matched her investment. Unfortunately, our attempt to lease the house did not go as planned. It was November before we found a tenant and we could not cover the mortgage and HOA fees with the rental income.

At the end of the lease, Anita's son and his wife opted to rent the house while their home in Fountain Hills was being built. This arrangement proved beneficial for everyone involved. With the house now "in the family," we bought a new washer, dryer, and all new kitchen appliances. In December, when Hana's mother visited from Czechoslovakia, Anita and I flew to Phoenix to celebrate Christmas "with family."

Red Mountain Ranch was a golf community, and we were all avid golfers. However, only homeowners could join the Country Club for golf, and membership had to be secured in January. I agreed to pay the $8,750 membership fee. After that, things began to deteriorate quickly. Anita expressed that she no longer wanted to play golf, and Bill and Hana were unwilling to pay the $425 monthly golf fee.

To add insult to injury, Bill and Hana moved out in April! They abandoned the plan to build their home and purchased a million-dollar house in the nearby community of Las Sendas. Once again, Anita and I flew to Phoenix, this time to see the new house and for Anita to visit her granddaughter.

My plans were quite different. My retirement dream was turning into a fiasco and I would have to relocate to Mesa. I did not want to rent the house again. It had taken six months and cost $20,000 to find the first tenant, the house was now equipped with all new, high-end appliances, there was a golf membership that no one could use, and I would need to hire someone again to maintain the swimming pool and take care of the yard.

Now that Anita's family was established in Arizona, she agreed we should move. However, she wanted to transform our $367,000 house into her son's million-dollar home. She desired to replace the ceramic tiles with travertine, install a mosaic medallion in the foyer, new carpet in the bedroom, and I proposed tiling the hallway and adding a stone façade to the fireplace.

In June 2007, all the work was completed and we moved to Mesa. We drove her car with her Dachshund Schnapps to Mesa and met the movers at the house. Once we were settled, I went back to Philadelphia to find a manager for my properties, pick up my cat Brandy, and drive my car to Arizona.

By now I had spent nearly $72,000 out of pocket, and Anita refused to accept my bookkeeping. The math was quite straightforward. Over the first six months that we owned the house, the mortgage, HOA dues, utilities, and maintenance cost me $19,872.

The rent we managed to negotiate was $1,400 a month but the mortgage, dues, and maintenance amounted to $2,300 a month, resulting in a 17-month loss of $15,300. Adding the $7,300 I spent on closing costs, $4,400 in travel, $10,000 for unused golf, and $15,026.72 in home improvements, which included a $6,462 Nicolae Vishu chandelier, totals $71,898.72.

Naturally, Anita immediately contested adding golf, home improvements, and travel to my expenses. She had her decorating costs as well. But she was overlooking the fact that my expenses were not only overwhelming but also unexpected.

While I was in Philadelphia, she arranged her Doylestown bedroom set in the master bedroom and placed my bedroom furniture in the guest room. She purchased beautiful new furnishings for the living room, dining room, office/sewing room, and some for the great room.

After my return, we replaced the sliding glass doors with French doors and a transom. The side panels and doors featured Venetian blinds between the glass panels. The backyard received a makeover as well. My glass-top kitchen set from Philadelphia became our patio table, Anita's outdoor sets adorned the yard, and the pool planter flourished with vibrant flowers.

The house was stunning, but Anita wanted a new kitchen. The old, all-white kitchen had to be replaced. After months of searching, we discovered the most beautiful, unique, and very expensive Brazilian Verde granite imaginable. A single solid slab of the Brazilian granite was used to create the kitchen island. The island received a new sink, drop-down lighting, and new bar stools. The second slab of granite was utilized for the countertops. The backsplash was tiled, the kitchen was painted, and finally, Anita had her new kitchen. It was gorgeous.

Unfortunately, I would never be able to appreciate any of this. Anita clearly stated that she would not help with any costs, including utilities, maintenance, club fees, groceries, or household supplies. She would cook her own meals, and I was expected to handle mine. This was not a comfortable situation for me.

During the brief period I lived with Joyce, we split all household expenses while covering our own personal needs, such as cars, clothing, and medical bills. Anita remarked, "Did I plan to keep track of every piece of gum she chewed?" Concerning my expenses, she accused me of manipulating the accounts and failing to account for all the rent I collected. She claimed I was cheating her but refused to look over the spreadsheets or discuss the matter.

I was not cheating her at all; in fact, I had given her the federal tax deduction for the mortgage payments that I was making. The deductions on the mortgages for my Philadelphia properties were enough to cover my tax debt.



  What unfolded after Anita and I began living together was completely unexpected. She disliked my cat. We had no shared interests. She kept her food separate from mine. The meals I prepared were not to her liking, and I was not always welcone to eat what she made. She criticized my cleaning efforts, once even yelling at me because I hadn’t "dusted the lampshades" when I hosted my golf buddy and his wife for dinner.

For three decades, I managed my own cooking, shopping, cleaning, and laundry. I dusted whenever I noticed dust; my bathroom and home were consistently clean and tidy. My bed was always made, my clothes were high-quality, neatly arranged in closets, and any dirty clothes were promptly placed in the hamper.

In Philadelphia, Anita and I shared a relatively happy relationship, though it was primarily a "weekend" affair. I would drive to her place on Saturdays and head back home on Sunday night or Monday morning. We often watched the PGA tournaments on television and she encouraged me to take up golf. However, my friends were not fond of Anita.

I enjoyed golf, and during the summer, we played almost every weekend, with me picking up the tab. I had a passion for dancing, and often received compliments. I was accustomed to praise, but it wasn't long before she started to refuse to dance, claiming that "I was showing off." Even on the Baltic Sea cruise we took with her friends, she declined to dance.

It was July of 2007 before I finalized my business in Philadelphia and headed back to join her in Arizona. I was driving my car across country and bringing my cat, Brandy. My good friend Kevin's wife, Sharon, wanted to join me on the trip. I had known Kevin and Sharon for over seven years and we often golfed together. Kevin did not like to travel and Sharon was "dying" to see the west.

Sharon had cats and offered to help out with Brandy, to help with the driving and to provide some company on the five-day trip. The day we left, Brandy and I met Sharon and Kevin at the King of Prussia Mall. We loaded my green Cadillac with her luggage and the three of us headed west. It was a great trip taking 5 days and Brandy was purr-fect. To our surprise, she waited until we stopped for the night to use her litter box.

Each night Sharon and I would have dinner together and in the morning meet for breakfast. The first night in the motel with Brandy, I stuffed pillows everywhere I thought she could hide before going out to dinner. However, when I got back to the room, she was curled up on the bed and that’s where she slept each night.

Sharon and I stopped to see a few of the sights along the way like the Gateway Arch in St. Louis and had a very enjoyable trip. But a major scene was about to erupt the evening Sharon and I arrived in Mesa. When Anita found out Sharon was "vegan" she had a meltdown. Apparently, she had made dinner with meat and was livid that I hadn't told her. But Anita knew Sharon. We had played golf together several times and I actually didn't remember Sharon was vegan because she never made it an issue of it. But Anita felt "insulted!" I was embarrassed.

What appalled Sharon the most during her brieef stay, was that Anita hated my cat. Brandy had lived a very peaceful life with never a threat but now Anita gave the dog the run of the house and banished Brandy to the office where a child gate kept the dog out. Brandy hid in the office closet cautiously coming out only to eat and use her litter box.

Sharon only stayed in Mesa a few days before flying home but it was long enough for her and I to play a round of golf at our beautiful Red Mountain golf course and for her to witness my retirement dream turning into a retirement nightmare. And, by the way, that first round of golf at Red Mountain Ranch, had literally cost me $10,235.

My life became one of eating alone and sleeping in the guest bedroom. My health was deteriorating. I would put the dog in its kennel after she went to bed at night and sneak my fourteen-year-old cat out for some exercise. That exploded when Anita discovered "Brandy's footprints" one morning in a ray of sunlight that was shining across the dining room table.

A constant barrage of insults and harassment lead to heated arguments. I took long rides on my bike each morning to get away from the trauma and relax, taking a long break in the community park where people were enjoying life.

On the morning of Thanksgiving in 2007, I woke up to her yelling, "What's this $hit in my oven?" Upon looking into the issue, I found that some dust had accumulated in the oven from breaking up the ceramic tile to install the travertine tile. It seemed that the oven hadn't been used since we moved in. This behavior only intensified.

I often took naps in the afternoon and occasionally enjoyed a beer with my lunch. She told her friends that "I drank and fell asleep in a drunken stupor." When I voiced my concerns, she replied, "Get some balls. It was just a joke!"

More often than not, she claimed that I "dreamed things" and accused me of being "passive aggressive." She used these assertions so frequently that I began to doubt my own sanity. To find out if I was truly losing my mind or if she was distorting my reality, I started carrying a small voice-activated tape recorder in my pocket. I had evidence. I was not losing my mind.

By October 2007, I began to formulate a plan to move out without losing everything. I secretly rented a storage unit and, during her business trips, started collecting my belongings from the attic and anything else I could take without being seen. I was careful to avoid the neighbors, whom I suspected she might have misled with lies about me. I had a past experience with neighbors that I couldn't forget.

Somehow, we made it through the holidays, but in March 2008, I rented a condominium on Recker Road in Mesa. While Anita was away on business, I emptied the storage unit, took my cat, my clothes, and all my personal items, and moved into my new home. When she returned late Sunday afternoon, I told her that I had moved out and was only there to say goodbye.

It may appear harsh, but while she was in the kitchen, deliberately enjoying an ice cream sundae she had purchased for herself, I felt no remorse at all. This relationship was truly harmful to both my mental and physical well-being, as well as that of my cat. Now I was libersated, my cat was liberated, and the condo was conveniently near Red Mountain Ranch, which enabled me to maintain my golf membership and friendships.

Once again, however, I was starting anew. There was so much I had to leave behind, both valuable and sentimental; my $3,200 oriental carpet, a $6,500 chandelier, an antique marble-top Bombay chest, my wrought iron kitchen set, a marble coffee table, a $1,000 Jenn-Air grill, and there wasn't enough room in the condo for my bicycle. Nevertheless, I believed that what I had to give up was not worth sacrificing my mental and physical well-being.

Beginning anew, I had to purchase kitchen appliances, a new bedroom set, new living room furniture, dining room furniture, and office furniture. Eventually, though, I did retrieve my wrought iron bed after lending it to Bill and Hannah for their guest bedroom.

My new two-bedroom home turned out beautifully, and Brandy and I were very comfortable, enjoying our little patio. I could have an occasional cigar without criticism, take an afternoon nap without degradation, and I even bought an electric grill for an occasional cookout.

I left my friends and my life in Philadelphia to enjoy my retirement by playing golf, eating out, and dancing, and I was resolute in pursuing my dream. At 68, though, I wasn’t inclined to go bar hopping, and I was eight years out of practice when it came to dancing and courting someone new. In Philly, I connected with Anita through online dating, but I chose to try it again.

I created a profile on a dating website looking for a lady who enjoyed golf and dancing. Joan's profile was a perfect match, and I was intrigued. Since this was not my first experience with online dating, I hoped to skip the endless chit-chat that goes on for months, so I asked her out on a date.

Her response was "yes," but she added, "I do not do coffee and I do not do fast food!" I invited her to meet at Morton's Steak House. We enjoyed cocktails, good conversation, and a fabulous dinner at Morton's. At Joan's suggestion, we ended the evening with drinks at Tommy Bahamas, a short walk from Morton's. It marked the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

  On April 5, 2008, I went on a date with a woman I had met online. Joan lived in Anthem, AZ, approximately 60 miles from my home on Recker Rd in Mesa, AZ. To be polite, I suggested we meet about halfway between our locations.

Since I was relatively new to Arizona, I recommended a restaurant I was familiar with and made reservations at Morton's Steak House in Scottsdale. We enjoyed cocktails at the bar, had a delightful conversation, and decided to dine together. Later, Joan found out that her daughter and son-in-law were also dining at Morton's that evening.

It was a lovely April night, so after dinner, Joan suggested we continue the evening with dessert cocktails at Tommy Bahama's, which was just a short walk from Morton's in Kierland Commons, an upscale outdoor shopping and dining area in Scottsdale. Since that night, we have celebrated our first-date anniversary at Morton's every year.

For our second date, Joan picked a restaurant known for its music and dancing. However, I got lost, leaving Joan to entertain the bartender. When I finally arrived, we had dinner, but the restaurant had stopped offering dancing. Joan then proposed we go to Chances Are, a nightclub and restaurant she was familiar with. It turned out to be an excellent choice.

I believe our third date involved golf. Joan had given up her golf membership in Anthem, so I invited her to play at my course, Red Mountain Ranch. Before long, we began dating regularly. Joan's daughters ran their law firm in Scottsdale, and she worked at their office every Thursday. Since Scottsdale was conveniently located between Anthem and Mesa, we started our dates on Thursday evenings.

Chances Are became one of our favorite places for dancing. A singer performed our preferred genre of music, and there were two dance floors filled with a crowd that was generally around our age. Eventually, we discovered Pasta Brioni, a restaurant famous for its Italian cuisine, located in the same outdoor shopping center as Chances Are.

For several years, Joan enjoyed season tickets to ASU Gammage. We both loved the theater, so we began purchasing season tickets together. Thursday became our night for theater followed by a late-night dinner. Each year we looked forward to seeing one of our favorite plays like Phantom of the Opera, Les Misérables, Lion King, or West Side Story among the playbills.

Joan also loved cruising and had been on more than thirty cruises. I had only been on four cruises and did not enjoy my last one on a ship with 2000 passengers. Joan's cruises, however, were mostly on Seabourn and Silver Seas. These were small ships with 200 passengers and were renowned for their ultra-luxury, all-inclusive cruising experience.

Joan was eager for a cruise, but the destination was uncertain. Where Joan had been, I had not, and vice versa. Then Joan read about a Trans-Atlantic Dance Cruise with Crystal Cruises. She had sailed on Crystal's ship the Harmony. There were dance hosts and instructors, and she suggested that we might enjoy this cruise together.

Crystal was also a luxury cruise line with two medium-sized ships. I was intrigued, so we booked the cruise, and it's hard to describe just how wonderful it was. The cruise departed from Miami, Florida, sailing to Lisbon, Portugal, the Azores, Grand Turk Island, and back to Miami.

Joan was living in Boynton Beach, Florida when her husband passed away and still had friends in Florida. We contacted her dear friends Paul and Alexandria and arranged to spend a couple of days visiting them when we returned to Florida. It was lovely meeting Joan's friends and exploring the Boynton Beach area.

By March of 2010, we had grown weary of the hour-long drive between Mesa and Anthem and decided to live together. We chose Anthem for many reasons. It was closer to where Joan's family lived, she had many friends in Anthem, and the area featured two magnificent golf courses, two beautiful clubs with restaurants, and the friendliest people one could ever hope to meet.

Joan was not particularly fond of animals, but she accepted my cat Brandy. Brandy lived to be almost 21 years old, and although Joan and Brandy never shared any affection, Joan agreed to adopt another cat when Brandy passed away.

We adopted Lucky, a five-year-old Norwegian Forest cat who had been abandoned by his family. Lucky was quite the charmer with a gray goatee and a bushy tail. While Joan is not one to clean Lucky's litter box, she would pet him and worry about him like a helicopter mom!

Moving in together meant that Joan and I had twice as many household items and furniture as we needed. We kept my dining room set, adding it to the office, and replaced the guest bedroom furniture with my bedroom set. We redecorated the living room with my bamboo end table and purchased a new sofa and love seat.

We found a stunning outdoor set that included four oversized chairs and a fire pit. We added a matching table and chair set for the covered patio and a stone-top bar with two stools. Later, I installed a misting system and an awning so we could enjoy the patio through more seasons.

Anthem Country Club was eager to have us join for golf, but Joan was waiting for her equity membership refund. The club agreed to expedite her refund if we took a non-equity membership. That was a good deal for Joan and son-in-law Barry who had the equity membership with Joan.

We split the membership fee, and Joan was excited to rejoin her ladies' golf group, the Party-Niners. I became part of the men's league, but most of the men at Anthem had been playing golf since childhood, while I had only been playing for eight years. Their powerful drives and putting skills on the greens made me feel intimidated.

I never became particularly skilled at golf, and my 18 handicap was only appreciated when I had a good game, which unfortunately was rare. Eventually, I decided to stop playing in the league and preferred to play more with Joan and friends who were at a similar skill level to mine on the golf course.

In 2015, we decided to give up our Anthem golf membership. The courses were becoming physically challenging, and we had both made friends who played golf outside of Anthem. Joan played with her good friend Carol at Coyote Lakes. On Thursdays I played in Sun City with my friends and on Friday I played Wickenburg Ranch with another group.

Joan and I continued to enjoy our Crystal Cruises together, with our 2019 Holiday cruise to Hawaii being a highlight. We celebrated Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year's in the most elegant and stylish way possible. We played golf at Oahu's Mid-Pacific Country Club and at The Dunes at Maui Lani in Kahului, Maui.

We always loved cruises to Barcelona, Spain, a favorite dity, and we have visited Lisbon, Portugal several times. We've cruised to Iceland and Greenland, seen Gibraltar, the Bahamas, the Caribbean Islands, the Panama Canal, and New Zealand.

During our cruise to Cartagena, Colombia, we had our very own "Romancing the Stone" experience. We both spotted a beautiful uncut emerald set in gold, but American Express had not been informed of our travels outside the U.S. and I had left my credit cards on the ship, so we couldn't purchase the ring.

Fortunately, Crystal's tour guide had the email address of our Cartagena tour guide. Through this guide, we managed to reach out to the jeweler in Cartagena. They remembered us and sent us a photo of the ring. We confirmed the photo, and they mailed the ring to us via a Florida jeweler, to whom we sent a personal check.

In addition to cruising, we vacationed several times in Mexico, where Joan's brother and his wife own a stunning villa on a hill in Conchas Chinas, near Puerto Vallarta. When we visited them, they often took us to fascinating towns and cities, from Guadalajara, Jalisco, to Sayulita, Nayarit.

We drove through the Sierra Madre mountains to Mascota and Talpa, dining at Coco's Place, Restaurante Italiano, in San Sebastian. We enjoyed golden margaritas on the beach at Mar de Jade, played in the surf at Hotel Mayto, and golfed at Marina Vallarta, being cautious of the alligators that roamed the course.

In 2009, I purchased a red Cadillac DTS. One day, when Joan took her Lexus IS in for new windshield wipers, her friendly salesman pointed out a red Lexus IS and promised her a great deal. That day, Joan returned home with the little red car she had always wanted, so now two red cars were parked in our driveway.

Joan collects travel memorabilia, perfume bottles, and is a talented needlepoint artist. Along with her art, we have gathered more beautiful pieces together. From Mexico, we have our dancing Katrinas, from Key West our dancing peppers, from Florida our kiln art glass cat, and our Phillip Anthony oil painting.

The Covid-19 pandemic of 2020 ended the lifestyle of millions. Joan and I were no exception. Our much anticipated cruise from Barcelobna to Quebec City was canceled. However, I continued to play golf once a week on Thursday. The Friday group had already disbanded. Partners Allen and Marvin had moved and Hank ws experiencing health problems.

Today, Joan and I still enjoy playing a little golf, dancing, spending time with friends, traveling, and growing old together. On April 5, 2022, we celebrated 14 years together and it has been a joyful and happy fourteen years.

  Our new home is independent and assisted living at Acoya Troon in Scottsdale, AZ. Our roomy apartment is on the third floor with two balconies. The bedroom overlooks the beautiful Acoya courtyard and the living room looks out over the magical Pinnacle Peak Mountain.

On Joan's 65th birthday, her daughter Hope and son-in-law Barry bought Long Term Health insurance for her, and they felt it was the right moment for her to utilize the insurance.

Even though it required her to leave her home and friends in Anthem, we were somewhat ready for the change. In September 2018, we got an invitation to a dance at Freedom Plaza, a retirement community. A beautiful chandelier hung over a lobby that boasted a curved staircase and an arched balcony. We were captivated and had a great time at the dance, getting to know some of the residents.

Our trip encouraged us to revisit the facility and the apartments. The apartments were spacious, and the dining room was elegantly arranged with tablecloths. We came back for a luncheon and a presentation. The concept that "We not only add years to your life but we add life to your years" drew us to think about an independent living lifestyle.

We began exploring what other retirement communities had to offer, but Freedom Plaza consistently ranked first. That December, we put down a deposit on a ground-floor apartment, but while relaxing in our Anthem backyard and enjoying the sunset, we recognized that our club provided everything that Freedom Plaza did, right in our own backyard. We decided to cancel the deposit.

In 2021, we toured Liv Generations and placed a deposit on an apartment. Although Liv was still being built, it was undoubtedly one of the most attractive facilities we had considered. However, once construction finished, we discovered that the apartments were too small and had insufficient closet space. As a result, we decided to cancel our deposit.

In 2022 we learned of a new retirenment center right in Hope's back yard. We investigated and found Acoya Troon offered everything we had seen elsewhere and more. Nestled between Pinnacle Peak Mountain and Troon Mountain, Acoya offered a view unequaled anywhere.

We relocated to Acoya on February 16, 2023. The initial months at Acoya were challenging. In March, Joan's brother Chuck died at his residence in Conchas Chinas, Mexico. In April, my brother Jim passed away at his home in Medford, OR. Then, on May 1, our lovely cat Lucky departed this world after a three-month struggle with an intestinal tumor.

Acoya was delightful, featuring welcoming individuals from diverse backgrounds and numerous success stories. Acoya provided a variety of activities, including board games, as well as Bingo, Bridge, and Poker. There was even a top-notch golf simulator available.

Joan found pleasure in attending Zumba and Qigong classes combined with a bit of Physical Therapy once or twice each week. I revived my Ping Pong skills from high school and set up a group for English Darts. Ping Pong gained popularity due to the presence of many former tennis players, while darts did not do as well.

The timing of the weekly darts event clashed with Sunday football, and when individuals discovered that the game involved more than just throwing a projectile at the wall in hopes of hitting the dartboard, many decided to withdraw.

During Thanksgiving 2024, tragedy occurred. Joan fell ill and a week later was hospitalized for one day. However, just a few days after that, she returned to the hospital. This time, it was revealed that she had experienced a stroke.

Her hospital stay this time lasted over three weeks. We joked that she entered the hospital in 2024 and emerged in 2025, but it was far from a laughing matter. Thankfully, she started to regain her speech and some of her mobility.